Beauty from Ashes » Musings

Reflections.

Theresa — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 20:18:34 +0000

I think the end of one year and the beginning of another is a time almost everyone takes to look back and take stock, and look forward and wonder. For me, days and milestones carry great significance. Days that I can remember and look back and point to as the day something ended and a door closed or the day something else began or the day something changed irrevocably. I can look back over the past year and see a number of days that carry meaning for me in one way or another. May 3rd, June 4th, June 6th, June 12th, July 22nd, August 7th…a few that I see. The worst days of my year and the best days of my year. All days where something changed. Everything from finally meeting people I’d known for so long to loss of a sort I never imagined to my 20th birthday and realizing that for better or worse, I was really an adult now and needed to figure out what I was doing with my life. (I’m still working on that.)

This year has brought me some very good things. New friends and deeper relationships with other friends. The chance to go to the Gathering and finally meet in person my very best friends. The Gathering…there are no words. Anyone who was there needs no words. That one, Gathering, is enough. It is no exaggeration to say that it is like a tiny glimpse of heaven. These are the good things this year has brought me.

I also see the changes this year has given me. Little things and bigger things. Glasses changed for contacts. A new computer. Reading more non-fiction, though hardly less fiction. The coffee addiction. Falling in love with music. Finally realizing how much I love playing the piano and then having to give up lessons. Growing independence and more of my own life separate from my family. Realizing how many different things I could do with my life and wondering what I should be doing with it.

I’ve seen changes this year. I’ve seen good things. Yet this year has also brought me down paths I never wanted to go down; ones that I have fought and dragged my heels every step of the way. Broken me in ways that made, and sometimes still make, me wonder if I can ever be whole again. And I’m not sorry to see this year end, for those reasons.

But above all, the most valuable thing this year has brought me is something that I cannot say I have learned, because sometimes I am barely holding on to it with only one finger. It’s something, though, that I am learning. It is one thing that, if I can someday finally say I have carried it out of this year, it will all have been worth it. The one thing I am holding on to if I can see nothing else is that God is faithful, and the one thing I am learning is to trust Him with everything.

God is faithful. He can be trusted. When I’m walking through darkness and when I cannot see what He is doing or how He could bring good out of it, He is still faithful. When I’m still walking through the darkness and thinking it’s high time for some light, when I’m still wondering and can’t see why, He is still faithful and He is there holding me and walking with me. When I forget that He is there, when I let go of His hand and feel like I’m completely alone, He is still faithful and He is there holding out His hand for me to take again. When I trust Him with everything and hand it all to Him, and when I can’t see how to trust and take it all back again, He is faithful. When I want Him to take me out of what I’m in, and He wants me to go through to the other side, He is still faithful. He is always faithful. I have not learned this. I am learning it. But He is faithful in my learning.

As 2009 ends and 2010 begins, remember that. It’s what I will be trying to always remember. God. Is. Faithful.

05 Faithful

Edit: The song I’ve just added comes from Steven Curtis Chapman’s newest album, Beauty Will Rise. I would highly, highly recommend the entire album, and this is one of my favorite songs from it.

I will proclaim it to the world.
I will declare it to my heart
And sing it when the sun is shining.
I will scream it in the dark.

You are faithful!
You are faithful!
When you give and when You take away,
even then still Your name
is faithful!
You are faithful!
And with everything inside of me,
I am choosing to believe
You are faithful.

One Thing, Part 2

Theresa — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 04:46:33 +0000

In 1 Corinthians 2, Paul seems to have had the same idea that I did (although, to be fair, he probably had it first!). “And I, brethren, when I came to you, did not come with excellence of speech or of wisdom declaring to you the testimony of God. For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified.” (1 Corinthians 2:1,2). In reading this passage, I’m struck again by that idea. We don’t always have to be eloquent. We don’t have to know it all. We don’t need all the answers. We need to know this one thing. Our Lord and Savior….Jesus. The One who opened the eyes of this one who was once blind, so that now I see. He is more than enough.

(just so you know, I do fully realize the irony in this title!

One Thing

Theresa — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 19:24:04 +0000

John 9 begins with the story of the man born blind, whom Jesus healed with the clay He made from saliva. The Pharisees, instead of seeing God at work in their midst, see Jesus only as one who has broken the Sabbath, and a sinner in their eyes. They bring the man who was once blind before them to question him, wanting him call Jesus a sinner as well. The man does not argue with them, or attempt to convince them of the error of their ways. But he says something that strikes me as very interesting: “Whether He is a sinner or not I do not know. One thing I know: that though I was blind, now I see.” One thing. I once was blind, but now I see.

There is a certainly time for fancy explanations, and a time for in depth conversations and debates and discussions. But sometimes, that’s not necessary. Sometimes, all we need is one thing. Sometimes all we need to know and all we need to say is that same thing: though I was blind, now I see. Sometimes, one thing is enough.

Perspective

Theresa — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 19:06:03 +0000

This post is rather a departure from my usual writing style. I wouldn’t really call it poetry, but I’m not sure what to call it. Just a few of the thoughts I’ve had lately on perspective and seeing God’s plans instead of mine.

It only takes a moment

for eyes to be opened

a blinding flash

of what should have been obvious

or just a subtle flutter of the veil.

Either way revealing

the truth of the matter

and the way things really are.

Just a glimpse into eternity

a looking from outside myself

seeing through another’s eyes,

through His eyes.

Just long enough to see

how exactly wrong I am

and how upside down

my perception of reality.

His is the true reality

the one that lies beyond

the skin of this world

and often beyond my understanding.

How many times I’ve cried

because I didn’t see

how He see differently

and works toward an end

which is not the one I had in mind.

Until those moments come

when by His grace I see

from a new perspective

if only for a moment.

I Have Called You by Your Name

Theresa — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 17:49:29 +0000

“My name is graven on His hands; my name is written on His heart”…”You knew my name before there was time”…”He knows my name”. I’ve noticed this common thread running through many of my favorite songs; the idea that God knows our names–my name–and whenever I hear a line like that, it tugs at my heart and brings me nearly to tears. I’ve been wondering exactly why it does mean so much to know that God knows my name. I think it’s because a name is such a fundamental part of an identity. Your name in a way defines who you are. It’s how you can be found, and what takes you from being just one face in the throng to one who can be known. When your name is known to someone, you are no longer an abstract idea just floating around out there. You become real. It also has to do with trust. Why else are we so careful about giving out names to strangers or online?

Because of all that, the fact the God knows each and every one of our names means that He doesn’t just view humanity as one uniform mass of people. He sees each individual face making up that crowd, and He knows each name, and He can be trusted with it. He knows each of the billions of people on this earth more deeply than they know themselves. And He loves us anyway! He knows and loves you.

“ Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.” -Isaiah 43:1